I haven’t written in this blog as often as I would have liked to when I started it. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t forcing content in here; I just wanted to write original, genuine stuff about mental health, which only happens when the mood strikes. Sorry that hasn’t happened as much, but good news – the mood has struck.
I had a really good session with my therapist tonight. I go every three weeks because that’s what I can afford so there’s often quite a bit to go over since the last time I was in. This time, I showed up in a pretty good mood – as oppose to other weeks when I’ve turned my therapy session into a pity party for myself, dwelling on my problems and downfalls while resisting my counselor’s attempts to help me.
Instead, I talked about the good stuff – things that make me optimistic about my life, my ability to not let anxiety control me, and believe that I can keep depression at bay. Some of it was bigger things, but a lot of it was simple. When the hour was over and I was getting up to leave, I mentioned something to her.
“Another good thing. I finally got a new spring jacket. I’ve been using a windbreaker over a hoodie for like 3 years now.”
She smiled, said it looked good, and pointed out that it must be relieving.
I wouldn’t usually have shared something like that, but I was in a good mood from the session and I just wanted to share one more thing was positive.
There’s a lot of days when I wouldn’t give a shit about my jacket. The mere idea that any part of my wardrobe could improve my day would seem ridiculous. But it doesn’t have to.
Depression clouds your ability to see the joy in things. It can make you think that everyone else is crazy for smiling at the simplest of things. It likes to tell me that the big picture of my life doesn’t look how I want it to when the little things are going well, and shit all over my larger-scale accomplishments if I happen to wake up in a good mood.
Walking out of her office in a better mood than I had been in for a while, I looked down at my new jacket and realized that it’s the little things that get you through the day with a smile on.
So my advice for this post is simple – enjoy the little things.
Going to bed at a decent time. Eating healthy for a day. Discovering a new show. Fitting in a workout to your daily schedule. Listening to your favorite podcast’s new episode. Arriving at the streetcar stop with perfect timing. Finally updating your blog.
Whatever it may be that makes you smile, that helps you get through the day, that gets you a little bit closer to your bigger goals – enjoy it.
I spend too much time upset about what I don’t like about my life, thinking it will somehow indirectly lead to things getting better. It’s time to feel good about stuff – it can’t be that bad, right?